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REACH INTO THE DARK AGES AND FIND A SOUND THAT IS LIQUID HORROR, A SOUND OF THE BRINK WHERE MAN STOPS AND NAMELESS CRUEL FORCES BEGIN. SCREAM WHEN YOUR LIFE IS THREATENED. FORM A NOISE SO TRUE THAT YOUR TORMENTOR RECOGNIZES IT AS A VOICE THAT LIVES IN HIS OWN THROAT. THE TRUE SOUND TELLS HIM THAT HE CUTS HIS FLESH WHEN HE CUTS YOURS, THAT HE CANNOT THRIVE AFTER HE TORTURES YOU.

REBIRTH,

death: the all - consuming mouth, devourer of man, planets and species alike: the final resting place and end to all pain and life itself. some say death is a gift. is it a gift when it is predetermined for you by a lover? i knew what it was like to die because i died by the hands of my lover, bludgeoned in a fit of rage until i laid butchered and obscure. the grief of my death swallowed him whole soon after and in this grief he violated me, tore me limb from limb, plucked my organs apart and pieced me back together as though i were a doll. there, splayed wide upon the medical table was where i was reborn in my new flesh; i was his eve and he my adam, flesh of my flesh, bone of my bone; when i awoke i had no recollection of my murder or his tampering inside my body. all i understood was an innate fear; how it coiled at the base my spine when my vision returned and i could finally see his face. the agony of my undoing forced me to seek answers. he had attempted to rewire my brain to forget unnecessary emotions like fear and hatred, but the body remembered, and as a result i was branded his divine experiment; the face of new yet inhumane discovery, his miracle that he had sacrificed so much for——lives, an entire ecosystem, creatures with language and emotions, gone in the name of love. all for me. he had given me my eden, my slaughterhouse, as promised in my humanhood——an eden that i had so cruelly rejected once before——my very own garden to frolic in and drain as i pleased. i did not want an eden. paradise was my memories, my blood, my very soul; i wanted those inside of me again. i was not whole. i was a shell of a woman made in the image of man and their cruelties, their greed and sinister desire. somewhere in his mind lost to madness, he had convinced himself i ought to be worshipped as mother, she who will birth new life unto thee: a responsibility i had no interest in being chained to despite how i tried so desperately to feel the love he wanted from me. we were undeniably connected through this horror; because he had exposed himself to every inch of me, rearranged me to his liking, and knew me intimately in my humanhood, i tried to understand his slew of regret, his intentions, his pain. what once was could never be restored once the rage rooted itself deep into my mechanics. i returned the gift of death to my creator as i made love to him beneath a blooming sapling in our garden, my father, my lover, my murderer, everything i had ever known, taken by my own hand. as i watched the life leave his eyes there were no instincts within me that coddled the idea that i was making a mistake. i knew then that that i had become his equal: the perpetrator, the executioner, the violator. i knew in my heart that i could not forgive him no matter the divinity promised to me, my anatomy had been stolen from me and i had to strip him of his own if i were to feel even a semblance of peace.TBA.

PRESENT,

now i see her: the remnants of my past self, in fleeting dreams of gold and blue. i dream of my beating heart, my once tiny limbs and thick red blood coursing through my veins. i dream about love, i dream of being cleansed of this poison i am infected with, i dream of a mother's face i cannot recognise and me, inside a womb i do not remember. the fragments that piece themselves together inside the fabrications of my corrupted mind do not bring me closer to revelation. i was once a girl, screaming as i entered the world so new and small, now i am an other; something monstrous with my subservience presumed upon creation. i exist in this cage of a body that does not feel like my own and when i wake up the bad dreams do not end.TBA!!!

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